Merry Shitmas

Goodbye erections, you will be missed.

This is an actor doing the voice-over for what I’m sure is a classy film about an innocent Swiss pizza boy who happens upon an over-stimulated quintagenarian.

My penis is screaming:

In 100% honesty and seriousness, I’m going back to Blockbuster.

For those of you not following, read the first (real) letter.  I thought it was a phishing scam when it showed up in my mailbox, the first and only thing you see in the preview in gmail is “I messed up, I owe you an explanation.”  I can’t believe I’m such a sucker by not just stealing all this bullshit.  Fuck.

Not a great way to die.

Strike a pose

Start with the original or go straight for the gold:

Inevitable

Seriously.

At first the song sounds like shit.  When you listen to the words it ends up like a Steven Segal flick.  Sucking down scotch like hes the bizarro Ron Burgundy.

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It happens again

It is rumored that in the next release of Star Wars, Darth Vader will ride a razor scooter and order minions via IPhone.

I dare you not to murder your loved ones after watching this

This is so bad that it qualifies as a snuff film:

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I think that *is* Cher’s Vagina

That one’s trying to poke its head out…

Not exactly a breakdanceoff

stroke that inch

 

Honestly, I was hoping he would grab some nunchuks and smack himself in the nads, but you can’t have everything in life.

 

Welcome to Russia

I forgot this never went out

Would anyone care for some cuttlefish and asparagus?

This isn’t right

If Flash Gordon was a shameless ripoff of himself, and drove a car

And if you fork the first words to an alternate universe with a different video:

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