“There’s a hero inside of all of us. I’ll make them see everyone has AIDS.”
- Gary Johnston, Team America: World Police
So I’ve been watching a lot of movies about vigilantism lately (Kick-Ass, Defendor, Hot Tub Time Machine) and remembered hearing about some “real” life “super” “heroes”.
Upon further albeit minimal research I found that these “real” life “super” “heroes” were actually Real-Life “Super” Heroes (.com).
Some perform charity work, others fight crime, all look kinda stupid.
Yet I can’t help but admire, nay ridicule, NAY admiricule these well-intentioned homosexuals who sacrifice their time and energy for the sake of—wait, before I continue, can we see those again? You know what I mean. C’mon.
Fine.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Hot Tub Time Machine was awesome! Rob Cordry is one funny dude. And the small part Chevy Chase had was great.
I have to say that these comedians who sacrifice their time and energy to make us laugh are the greatest heroes of all. Did you see The Hangover? That was funny too.
So if you want to go against the natural order of things and start helping those in need, here are a few sites that might make you rethink that idea:
If you want to be a hero you have to dress like one. Thanks to Hero-Gear you can order battlesuits, capes, masks and more!
Great! Now that you look like a douchebag its time to get in shape with The Biomatrix. Packed with videos on bodybuilding, articles on physical health, and other things that fill me with hate, The Biomatrix is your key to fitting into that dumbass suit you just bought.
Now its time to join up with a team of superheroes just like you! If you’re in the Florida area and love gray, then you should check out Team Justice Inc (obviously not heroes of web design). I’d say more about them but I didn’t spend more than 10 seconds on their site. Fight on you brave Floridians!
If you’re really serious about being a superhero you need to join up with Superheroes Anonymous. They’ll raise your “cool” factor from nil to potentially-more-than-nil, and even help upgrade that shitty costume you’re wearing.
Well it looks like you’re ready to do some good out there. Just remember that being a vigilante is technically illegal, so always wear your mask and later you can plead guilty by reason of insanity.
Here’s one last message from some RLSH’s:
When I grow up, I wanna be just like Captain Sticky.
Filed under: Balls, Chuck Norris, Civil Rights, Cosplay, Fabulous, Medication, nerdcore, Ninja Tactics, Thank you, Useful Things
This is an OUTRAGE!
LtG can post tits, but I post a video of some sloppy European broad getting a soda can pushed up her pooper and DB is all like “this is a family site” and edits the comment.
OUTRAGE!
I think we’ve taken a stand that breasts, when done tastefully, are acceptable to us and all of our 3 regular visitors…
And lets be honest, it was more than just a coke can. There was a whole complicated apparatus in play.
I can even post an extreme sports calendar model
I dont think giving out chocolate makes you a super-hero. Did Ghost Rider ever fucking give out candy?
that’s the problem with these guys – not enough ass kicking
RLSH needs better crime solving departments. Plenty of cold case files need to be examined by “Batmen” using their “Batcave computers”. After all, Batman was a detective who used his wits to solve crime. Even Green Hornet was a newsman using tools of investigative journalism to solve crime. Come on people; less patrols and more real life forensics and research.
you’d think at least one of them would apply for a forensics course at their local community college
looks like i got there first