Dreams of a Drowning Cow

The Sea of Glomp:

A bat stole your egg. Your world is a maze. You’re purple.

Good Luck.

by Paul M. Kramm

check out Jayisgames for a full review

Mike, I found the perfect job for you

Get paid to stay in bed for three months straight.

Need a break from the working, walking, and standing required by the demanding and stressful life you lead?

Well, pack your bags for Houston because NASA wants to pay you $17,000 to stay in bed for 90 straight days.

But you will need to pass Air Force exam requirements, so maybe not.

Originaly from Slashdot.

Not like I didn’t know this from living in the Midwest for half a decade

Where, when people heard me talk, they would often respond with “who?” when they meant “what?” Not Only did they know I was from NY, they also had no fucking idea what I was saying.

Of course, if I was that website, I would just say everyone was from the NY/NJ region. There’s a shitload of people over there.

What the hell does “The Inland North” even mean? I’ve never heard that term before.

The American Accent Quiz

Also (even though you’ve probably seen it already), the American soda map:

I have seen the light, and its $10 for an autograph, $20 for a picture

Dated May 2nd, 2008 –

I, TheLordThyGod, shook hands with Lou Ferrigno and William Forsythe. I laid my eyes upon Ernest Borgnine, Katey Sagal (total hottie in person), Brigitte Nielsen (tits are even bigger in person), Barry Bostwick (no one else seemed to care either), Jason Mewes (drugs are good), Mickey Dolenz (drugs are bad), Mick Foley, Christy Hemme (wanktastic) and many more! like The Smoking Man, Virgil (said I looked like Kevin Smith), Dante (he wasn’t supposed to be there), Yancy Butler (jacked it many times), Cameron and many more!!!

How was I able to attain this righteous ascension of the soul?

CHILLER!!!

Chiller, baby.

A grim, twisted, cavalcade of nerdom in the form of dvd’s, collectibles, and booths.

Keeping with the “Horror” theme, Chiller took place in Parsippany, NJ.

Oh, there was much to fear in this gallery of horror – like getting caught spending too much time at the porn booth featuring a wide array of Swedish erotica. Or maybe the fear of squeezing through the densely packed crowd and accidentally rubbing some 6’8″ biker dude and having to explain that your erection was caused by your recently purchased “Ming the Merciless” action figure and not the grinding of your genitals into his studded backside.

Yes, there was much to fear at Chiller…

…

…through the mist of nerd-sweat, lurking in a not-so-dark corner, an obtrusive vendor offers a DVD so rare that he displays only two at a time, hoarding the remaining forty-eight copies he downloaded and burned himself, as if raiding dervishes are but a river’s crossing from pillaging his wares.

…did I mention that i saw a DVD entitled “Jesus Christ Serial Rapist“?

Not Without My Daughters

from derrickcomedy