Do you have a girlfriend? No? Then this is right up your alley.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Hmm, I’m the biggest nerd that ever lived, but no one knows it. How can I fix this?”
First let me tell you, everyone knows.
Second, if you really want your virginity to reign supreme, then you should start writing in Elvish.
Just imagine what a tool you could be if [...]

120 feet whatever - I’ve seen Mike fart out candles from at least 215

From Gizmodo

Let’s see Shakira move like this