5 Most dysfunctional families. Ever.

5. Mehmet II

For over a thousand years, nations attempted to conquer Constantinople.  When Mehemet II finally succeeds (by way of huge ass 17 ton cannons), he decides instead of going to Disney Land, it would be better to drown all his brothers (and make a law OKing it for all future Sultans).  You know, just in case.

4. Wars of the Roses

How about when familial disputes involve the entire government?  Thats what happened in the English Wars of  the Roses, when an insane king, angry peasants, and two warring houses of nobles (both sides descended from Edward III) completely fucked the entire country for 30 years.  Yay!

3. Jews and Arabs

According to the tradition held by Jews and Arabs, both are descended from Abraham through different mothers, Jews from Sarah, and Arabs from Hagar.  Sarah was Abraham’s wife, so when Abraham banged Hagar and got her preggers, Sarah kicked her out of the house.  The bad blood has continued ever since.

2. Cain and Abel

You know the story.

1. Spadefoot Tadpoles

What if your brother was a crackhead cannibal?  If being killed by your brother sucks, being eaten by him is even worse.  To these tadpoles, shrimp is like roids and crack, so when they eat it they get huge, crazy, and eat all the other tadpoles around.  You know the saying: “Better to be eaten by those you love…”